“No girls? That’s not a party! You can’t have a party without girls!” – Judge Judy
Maybe it’s because I’m coming out of witnessing the birth of my 2nd kid.,.. but I’m feeling the feminist part of me sneaking out over the last couple of days.
It came out in high school once in a while too. Which explains why I spent some time there in a gym locker every now & then. As a matter of fact, I thought that I may have had to receive my diploma from within a locker. You know, I’d bounce up to the Dean, open the locker door, take the diploma, shake his hand, close the door, then bounce off. It would have been a great yearbook shot. But back to the subject at hand….
There are a few things that seem to resonate in society that would annoy me if I were a woman, I wanted to share some of the thoughts I’ve been having that piss me off a bit.
1. “Lady” college team names.
The Lady Vols, Lady Razorbacks, Lady Privateers, Lady Bears, Lady Bulldogs…What the fuck?! Why can’t they just be the Bulldogs? If you want to refer to the women’s team, call it the women’s team like Uconn does. They’re the Huskies.. not the Lady Huskies. It’s a fucking insult! Tennessee women’s basketball program is one of the greatest in all of NCAA history…men or women’s athletics… and they have to be relegated to the Laaaaady Volunteers. It’s fucking stupid if you think of it.
2. Best…. Actress?
An actor acts. What does an actress do? Have you ever heard of a Firefightress? Or a Police Officeress? Or how about a Doctoress?
And the Oscars can suck my balls. The show has stunk for years, & they stopped giving away deserved awards since the 80’s, save maybe one or two exceptions. They’ve done pretty well for males in the lead and supporting roles. And for the female supporting too I guess. But the leading role for women has mostly been a farce. They just want to give awards to the hot piece of arse of the moment for the most part.
The time that really made me throw my hands in the air and my pants to the floor (right before apologizing to my friends) was Julia mother-fucking Roberts won for that lame excuse of a movie, Erin Brockovich. Julia Roberts played a cunt… WOW! What a stretch! I haven’t seen THAT much versatility since… hmmm…. I gotta go back to Courtney Love in the People vs. Larry Flynt. She played a drugged up whore. Whew. How DID she find that character?
Julia beat Ellen Burstyn that year, who played a drug addict in Requiem for a Dream. Ellen pulled off one of the best performances & toughest roles I’ve ever seen… she had snot coming out of her nose for the love of mary. But she didn’t quite live up to Julia and her blonde highlights. She may as well been the “Pretty Woman” again. (sidebar: Personally, I think she looks like a boll weevil. I don’t see what others see with She-devil)
Actually, when I saw Brockovich I was waiting for Richard Gere to come out from behind a door or something. It might have improved the movie for me. I would have liked it even more if Louis Gossett jr. jumped in and started ordering Gere around.
3. Women comedians… not funny?
I have heard from a lot of people… even women… that there aren’t enough funny women, or no funny women. It seems to me that the difference for the most part is women are judged more based on how they look. By men AND women, by the way. I think that works against them in comedy, since most cases you have to act foolish or look gross to get the best results. In a lot of cases women don’t go that extra mile, because they have a sense that they still have to be a woman first. I think the funniest female may have been Lucille Ball. (although, I give Madeline Kahn a close second). Both of them didn’t give a shit what they looked like. They let themselves go for the joke. You can say that about Cloris Leachman too. In modern cases I’d offer up Amy Sedaris, who is hysterical. If you haven’t seen the show Strangers With Candy, you really should. Lisa Lampanelli makes me laugh out loud. I don’t care for Sarah Silverman, but she doesn’t hold back. And to me… THAT’s the difference.
4. Women don’t age as well…
Again… I think this is because they are judged on their looks more. Even I have done it. I’ve talked to someone about their kids and would say about the boy “Does he play sports,” or “what will he major in,” or “he looks like you”. When I talk about the girl I say “she’s pretty”.
I just think that this habit of judging carries on with time. Their wrinkles look worse than a guys as a result. Ask Paul Newman or Robert Redford, who look like shit now. You never hear that they look peaked.
That said, my grays make ME look distinguished. And YES, I watch Judge Judy. So fuck you!
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