I love cinema. There’s nothing quite like seeing a movie on the big screen. You get into this bizarre camaraderie with a bunch of strangers. You’ll cheer with some, and others will piss you off. I wanted to share a few emotional experiences I’ve had in theatres past.

 

Anger –

I went with my family in law to see “Kurosawa,” a documentary about Akira Kurosawa. The highlight of the show was an appearance by Teruyo Nogami, who was Akira’s right hand on most of his films. After the viewing of the film, she came out with a translator for a Q & A. 

I was interested to hear her discuss different stories of each film. Well, it wasn’t long before some dick decided to turn the tide for me. This guy in the row behind me to the right decides to ask a question: “Did Akira like Ingmar Bergman’s films”?

I can’t describe how fucking PISSED I was at this guy. I can tell you this, he has earned a spot on my all time hate list. My hate list hall of fame, as it were.

In case you haven’t already, allow me to translate what he said for you: “Attention everyone.. I don’t know about YOU… but ME… I KNOW MOVIES…If you have any questions about movies, I AM YOUR GUY”. She answered the question politely, by saying he liked some of his stuff. But this prick with ears decides that he’ll take a proverbial dump on the director that is being honored, just so he can let everyone know what he knows. What a piece of shit. He had an ugly ponytail too. Prick.

 

Fear –

 When I was 17, I remember going to see ‘Eddie Murphy Raw’ for the first time. I went with my cousin & his friend at the old Park Theatre in Dorchester. Dot was (and is) a tough part of Boston, and it happens to be where my family is from. I’m almost proud to say that my family has most likely commited every blue collar crime you can commit. That HAS to be worth something.

 My dad’s girlfriend at the time worked at the Park & got us in on the sly. I want to say this was the same momentous day when my cousin & friends made me an honorary Dot Rat.

So, we get into the cinema and the only seats available are in the back row. It was packed to the gills. And it wasn’t long when we realized that we happened to be the only 3 white guys in the building. In the late 80’s, the Boston area was at the tail end of it’s racial unrest and there was still some antipathy amongst the residents of Dorchester. As the show was going along, the theatre became active. A lot of yelling and some peeps started tossing things around. It started to get a little uncomfortable. Then came Eddie’s comment in Raw when he says “white people can’t dance”. At that moment, every set of eyes (as far as mine could see) all turned around & looked at the 3 of us. And some guys in the row in front of us stood up, saying things along the lines of “YEAH! YOU MUTHA FUCKAS CAN’T DANCE!” After a few of these, we were giggling nervously. I leaned over to my cousin and whispered “we’re dead”. It didn’t stop for a good 2-3 minutes. One guy on the right closer to me was staring at us, & I remember saying to him “Well, I sure can’t dance… heh heh.”

When Eddie moved to the next subject, we moved our asses out the door.

For the record, I STILL can’t dance.

 

Laughter –

My friend Chris took me to see The Bourne Identity with special passes. We were sitting in front of this guy & we started chatting with him. We were talking about different movies, and the guy brings up that he saw “Deuces Wild”. Chris says to this complete stranger, “Dude.. that movie made 8 dollars… it must have been yours!” Shit. I wish I thought of that one.

 

Love –

 I’ll never forget my first celebrity crush. The seventies were old, and my erections were new. There’s nothing worse than the 3^rd-4^th grade walk of shame with the text book in front of your pants, by the way. Penises are already tough to deal with when they just sit there. Then they do THAT to you. I was tempted to start wearing a poncho to school.

Anyhoo, my mom took me to see Grease. If only there was a camera on me whenever Olivia Newton-John came out & sang “Hopelessly Devoted To You”. I know my eyes were wide, and I’d imagine there were little hearts popping around my head… pop pop pop pop …

Hoo boy. I liked her for a long time. I remember shaking my fist at the TV screen when I saw her boyfriend (soon to be husband at the time). “LAT-TAN-ZIIIIIII!!!” I hated that guy. My Tutor? COME on.

 

Hey. I saw Xanadu in the theatre. Now THAT’S love.

 

The Cinema is magic. The big screen makes great movies even greater. These things can sometimes be lost without that experience. I think David Lynch summed it all up pretty nice:

 

 

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